he says, partly glad she is back, talking to him, talking to him, partly afraid he might have made her into the one thing he had never wanted her to be, and, for the moment, utterly convinced it is truly her. Before, he had moments when he was aware he might be losing his mind. But Nadia's departure before, more than anything, encouraged him to believe that she is real.
"I'll find it. It took me all these years to understand this much, but then, I was weak. I tried not to understand. Perhaps this is why this happened."
He sees the wound on her throat, but the smell of blood, so pervading and sickening on front of his fireplace, is utterly missing.
"I was never complete, except in moments," he says. "Do you know, Nadia, the one moment when I was utterly your father and not his follower? It was when I shot you. That should have taught me something. And the one moment when I was completely his? It wasn't when you died, sweetheart, and not after. It was when I died. When I made Sydney kill me. Yes, that must be why this happened. Perhaps one has to be broken in pieces in a literal fashion as well, to learn. How to end these divisions."
no subject
he says, partly glad she is back, talking to him, talking to him, partly afraid he might have made her into the one thing he had never wanted her to be, and, for the moment, utterly convinced it is truly her. Before, he had moments when he was aware he might be losing his mind. But Nadia's departure before, more than anything, encouraged him to believe that she is real.
"I'll find it. It took me all these years to understand this much, but then, I was weak. I tried not to understand. Perhaps this is why this happened."
He sees the wound on her throat, but the smell of blood, so pervading and sickening on front of his fireplace, is utterly missing.
"I was never complete, except in moments," he says. "Do you know, Nadia, the one moment when I was utterly your father and not his follower? It was when I shot you. That should have taught me something. And the one moment when I was completely his? It wasn't when you died, sweetheart, and not after. It was when I died. When I made Sydney kill me. Yes, that must be why this happened. Perhaps one has to be broken in pieces in a literal fashion as well, to learn. How to end these divisions."